i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
