One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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