yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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