We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
