I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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