hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
