now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
