A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
