Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
