so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
