i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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