the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
