He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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