im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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