i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
