I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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