glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
