someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
