Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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