sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize
