you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
