3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
