Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You had me at "let me see your balls"
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
