Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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