she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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