Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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