I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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