I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
