i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
