hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
well most of my day revolves around power hour
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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