We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
