Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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