Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Randomize
