I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
