were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
