He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
