I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
