I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
either way he was missing a nipple.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Why is your signature on my underwear?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
