i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
