"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
