I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
