Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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