The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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