Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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