I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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