The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
