I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
