Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
you had me at cake vodka
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Randomize
