bring money and cleavage
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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