I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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