ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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