Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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