Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Quick, to the slutcave!
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I'm at about main and main street
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
