What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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