He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
My ass is underappreciated
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
