he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Are my feet made of real feet?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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