i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
