I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
