I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
