So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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