my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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