I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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