i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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