You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
