Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I did not marry a roomba.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
