I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
