am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
