There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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