Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
