a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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