im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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