cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
