I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
