so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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