what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
