If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
