Ambien. No doubt about it.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize